02.17.2026

I’m so tired of everyone and i just want to be home with my parents. Like really everything has been annoyingme and my brain needs to reset. My biggest pet peeve is when people are hypocritical and i feel like i keep coming across people like that recently. Customers were shockingly mean to me today, which i find usually happens when i dont do my makeup or hair before work. Which sucks. But theres seriously a correlation which is so sad and fucked up. I just need a break from everything. Everyone. Like oh my god i dont even i just want to be alone. Zyla could be there too. Also finn and jake. Ok so i just want to go back to georgetown and be with my parents but also somehow bring my apartment with my girlfriend and cats with me. I’ll work on that. Ok bye

02.09.2026

 For some reason going to class is the hardest thing in the world. Especially for classes I don't enjoy in the slightest, like my spanish class. When I first started college, I was ahead by an entire year and a half.... Supposed to graduate by the end of fall junior year..... But my mental health was so unbelievably bad that I basically wasted my entire first year. I'm back on track to graduate after four years, but now for some reason that makes me humiliated and I just feel like a chud. Fall freshman year I was so afraid to leave my apartment because I hated seeing people from my past everywhere. Spring sem freshman year was better because I finally started making actual friends, but even then my anxiety was so bad I had a lot of trouble going to class and being on campus. Fall sophomore year was definitely interesting. I didn't mind being on campus but I just was struggling so bad mentally I did so terrible academically. I just can't seem to find a good balance between my social life, my family life, and my school life. Also work. God I'm just so tired from work all the time because my shifts are so long and tiring. It is such an easy job but lowkey we're understaffed so there's just a lot to do. Also the customers are so draining. They literally treat us like we're stupid and are never kind.

Today I slept through my first class and then went to my second class and came out of it hopeful and excited for my future. The problem is my third and final class, spanish. WHY IS IT TWO HOURS LONG BRO........ like no part of me wants to go to that. I don't even remember the last time I went. Which is so bad. I just can't idk. It takes forever, reminds me that I'm a chud who isn't connected to my culture at all, and makes me feel stupid. I also can't stand the people in there. I also am so anxious to even show my face in there again. IDK WHATS WRONG WITH ME

I keep crying over everything and keep getting reminded of bad things and keep getting unmotivated and i just want everything to stop and i want to just be home doing nothing all day. I'm hosting a valentine's party at the end of this week and it feels like nobody's even coming. Does anyone even fw me idk

IM AT CALAMITYS RN

 Hello I really love this blog shiz but I just forget it exists a lot. Today I didn't go to one of my classes to avoid the discussion topic and then I dropped another class because the readings were so hard and I felt so silly all the time. I hate feeling silly in English classes ESPECIALLY when there are men in the class. I'm saying silly instead of stupid because I'm trying to use less self-deprecatory language. I saw a few of my friends at Calamitys where my good friend burger Amari works. Lately life has felt like Friends. All my friends hang out at the same coffee shop almost every day. Like I just know any time I come here I'm going to see at least one of them. I LOVE THAT. I want to show my dad this place. I also want to go to the SNL archives thingy at the harry ransom center with him. It sucks that he works two jobs. I'm not going to say anything else because I will start crying inside this dang coffee shop. I just love that guy.

Sometimes I get so emotional about things that are okay and then I feel silly then I cry about feeling silly. I had a really yummy london fog at calamitys and now this is definitely my go to drink here. YAY

Ok i'm done bye

Hello from spanish class

 Right now I'm sitting in the back row of my spanish class. I'm trying to not put negativity out into the world so I won't say what I think about my classmates.😊

My schedule this semester sucks so bad.... I have class from 10am-6pm every MWF and work from 6:30am-3pm every other day. Like literally every other day I'm so tired..... I'M IN HELL. Turns out I type too loud because the guy in front of me turned around and looked at my lapotp annoyed. Ok girl bye

I find it so inspiring when there are people out of the typical age range of college students in my classes. Like wow life really has no timeframe and anything is possible if you have motivation.... like wait the possibilities are endless........ I'm getting emotional in this class LOL

I haven't blogged in forever because i don't really have anything to say. I'm too busy to have free time. Luckily for me the first unit of my spanish class is literally just words like hola and adios so I can tune out. :p but it does suck that this is wasting 2 hours of my day... but i really need to go to every class and do everything possible to get good grades since last semester i did actually shockingly bad. I don't even want to talk about how bad last semester went for me. Just really really bad and this semester reaaaally matters. 

I'm so blessed to have such an amazing support system 😓My girlfriend and my dad specifically are the only reason I didn't drop out of college last semester... I have to do this for my dad he's actually my biggest inspiration and supporter and gives the best advice and knows exaclty how to help my mental health struggles because he's been through them himself 😞😞😞😞😞Ok let me stop because why did a tear just fall down my cheek LET ME LOCK IN

Ok i'm going to pay attention for the last 45 minutes....... hopefully i find more time to blog.... this is really fun for me i love writing and talking and oversharing

In 2025 I......

- met alexis bledel?????

- dyed my hair purple, black, teal, blue, pink, and red (...and possibly orange next week ^-^)

- got a job I actually love with coworkers I love

- FINALLY SAW GREER LIVE AFTER BEING A FAN FOREVERRRRR AND ON THEIR LAST TOUR EVER BECAUSE THEY BROKE UP </3333

- saw some of my favorite artists live!!!1! (feeble little horse, kitty craft, big thief, fleshwater, american football, temachii)

- rediscovered Borderline by Ariana Grande and Missy Elliott (one of the best songs ever imo)

- forced myself to actually socialize and made sooo many new friends

- hosted 5 friend functions in my apartment :3

- used 3 full journals and actually prioritized my own wellbeing...

- got back into kpop!!!! yay 

- experienced snow in wampus with my friends omg magical af

- posted helllllaaaa on instagram i know my followers are sick of me

- went to a big time rush concert for free in the 8th row from the front on the floor in moody center..... my girlfriend met kendall at her job and he gave us free tickets and then kept interacting with us.... THIS WAS ACTUALLY SUCH AN UNREAL MOMENT FOR ME BTR WAS EVERYTHINNGNGGGGG TO ME GROWING UP

- started this blog :3 yayyyyy ok bye

Living out my childhood dream

When I was a kid, I always imagined myself as a cool teenager who worked at a coffee shop and had a blog and was always shopping.... Today I got off from my barista shift, then walked over to Urban Outfitters to window shop, and then I came home to my apartment and decided today is the freaking day........

I only have a few months left of being a teenager and the thought of that makes me actually sick to my stomach man I AM MEANT TO BE A TEENAGE GIRL FOREVERRRRRRRRRR But also I am sooooo excited for my twenties.... Oh god no I'm not I typed that out and immediately started tearing up I miss being a kid and my brothers living at home with me. I remember when we lived in the trailer park and I had gotten in a huge fight with my brothers, so I went into my room and sat and did the math to count the exact amount of days until I was 18 and could escape from them... Little did I know I would be 19 and crying anytime I see two boys with a little sister..... They're not even far away and I literally see them like every month but it's just not the same and it hasn't been for many years </3

2025 has been such a wonderful year for me in terms of friendship, creativity, love, family bonds, etc. I'm so full of joy and I really do love my apartment and my girlfriend and our crazy cats. My life feels like a cartoon sometimes I'm so blessed and I'm actually so unbelievably excited for 2026 YAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY Omg and the new hunger games movie comes out next year and I move into a house with my friends and I turn 20 and IM JUST SO EXCITED YATTTAFAEuawFJAe

My girlfriend says it makes sense for me to have a blog. I like that thought. LOL I have had like 4 tried blogs in the past like year and none of them made it past one post but hopefully this one is different because I think I need a new outlet my journal isn't really doing it for me anymore

I can't decide if I want to type casually or if I want to use proper grammar/punctuation......... Can't read the vibe yet.........