For some reason going to class is the hardest thing in the world. Especially for classes I don't enjoy in the slightest, like my spanish class. When I first started college, I was ahead by an entire year and a half.... Supposed to graduate by the end of fall junior year..... But my mental health was so unbelievably bad that I basically wasted my entire first year. I'm back on track to graduate after four years, but now for some reason that makes me humiliated and I just feel like a chud. Fall freshman year I was so afraid to leave my apartment because I hated seeing people from my past everywhere. Spring sem freshman year was better because I finally started making actual friends, but even then my anxiety was so bad I had a lot of trouble going to class and being on campus. Fall sophomore year was definitely interesting. I didn't mind being on campus but I just was struggling so bad mentally I did so terrible academically. I just can't seem to find a good balance between my social life, my family life, and my school life. Also work. God I'm just so tired from work all the time because my shifts are so long and tiring. It is such an easy job but lowkey we're understaffed so there's just a lot to do. Also the customers are so draining. They literally treat us like we're stupid and are never kind.
Today I slept through my first class and then went to my second class and came out of it hopeful and excited for my future. The problem is my third and final class, spanish. WHY IS IT TWO HOURS LONG BRO........ like no part of me wants to go to that. I don't even remember the last time I went. Which is so bad. I just can't idk. It takes forever, reminds me that I'm a chud who isn't connected to my culture at all, and makes me feel stupid. I also can't stand the people in there. I also am so anxious to even show my face in there again. IDK WHATS WRONG WITH ME
I keep crying over everything and keep getting reminded of bad things and keep getting unmotivated and i just want everything to stop and i want to just be home doing nothing all day. I'm hosting a valentine's party at the end of this week and it feels like nobody's even coming. Does anyone even fw me idk
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